Scene excerpt: The Line-up

FRED: All right everyone!  What do you say we get this turkey into the oven?  (They all laugh, some desperately)  Seriously, I think you all know that I think performers are special people. And all of you are very special. These are the final call backs for whit I consider to be a very special piece of work. Let me say something about this fabulous musical, O Charlie”. People have come up on the street and said to me, “Fred, I hear you’re doing a musical about Charlie Manson. I think it’s time.” (Applause)  I know you don’t want to disappoint these people, and I don’t intend to. Uta said that acting is a religion. And I want you to help me bring people to the altar of this play, so we can all worship together. Now, as you all know, if you read the trade, and I know you do, the author of this play, Stan Lepidus, died a few weeks ago by his own hand. Mister Lepidus was a sensitive man. And I, for one, am very, very angry at the bitter, bitter people who claim that the producers are doing this play to capitalize on the publicity that arose from Stan’s throwing himself off the United Nations Building. Enough said about that. We’re all gypsies; we’re here to entertain. So give it your best shot, darlings.  The only thing that hurts me is that I can’t use each and every one of you talented, wonderful, special people. All right, Rufus…do you all know Rufus?  Rufus will be our stage manager. I think some of you have worked with him before.

RUFUS:Unnnnhunnnnnnnnnh…

DANCER FOUR: Hi, Rufus.

RUFUS: Unnnh…unnnnh.

DANCER SEVEN: Fine, Rufus. Thanks for asking.

FRED: Okay, okay. There’ll be plenty of time to socialize during the break. Line them up, Rufus.

RUFUS: Unnnnhhhunnnhhhunnnh. Unnnn.Unnnnh unh!

                They all line up across the stage.

FRED: All right, I want each of you, beginning stage right, to give me your name, your real name if it’s different from the one you’re using. I also want to know where you were born and how old you are. All right, start stage right, please.

MONICA: I’m 27.

RUFUS: Unnh!

MONICA: Oh, that’s right, I forgot. My name is Monica Farrell, but my real name is Esther Plotz. I’m 27, like I said, and I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And I really need this job because I’ve been very sick, and I have to pay for medicine and stuff.  But I feel fine now.

FRED: Next.

ESTELLE; My name is Estelle. I’m currently using only the single name. Estelle is my real name. There is a last name, but I’m not using that now. I was born in Niceville, Florida, believe it or not, in 1984, you figure it out.

FRED: Next.

RICO: My name is Ricco Catalone. I changed it. I had to because a movie star already had my real name.

RUFUS: Unnnh unnnh ungg?

RICO: Joanne Woodward. (Pause)  It’s a joke. Okay…my real name is James Fowler. I was born in a little town no one ever heard of, by the name of New York City. (Pause)  It’s a joke. I just turned 25, and I think that being a gypsy is the greatest thing in the world. I’m insecure and I love it.

FRED: Do you dance?

RICCO: I move.

FRED: Thank you, Ricco.  Next.

PATTY: Hi. I’m Patty Childress and I’m born again and I don’t mind telling the world.  I’m 28 blessed years old, and I was born the first time in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and the second time in the apartment of a very special friend who taught me that you CAN make it!  I was born the second time just a week ago today!

FRED: Why do you want to do a play about Charles Manson?

PATTY: Because Susan Adkins was saved in prison and I would like to read for the part of Susan Adkins. I don’t think that Christ would mind my playing a degenerate. I really don’t.

FRED: I don’t think so either, Patty. Next.

BARBIE: My name is Barbie Smoond…..

RUFUS: Unnnhhh?

BARBIE:Smoond

RUFUS: Unnh unngg unk?

BARBIE: S-M-O-O-N-D. It’s Gaelic.

RUFUS: Unnh.

BARBIE:I’m 19 years old and this is my first audition, and I’m really nervous.  I got my equity card in summer stock last year in Warren, Ohio, playing the girl in the Fantasticks opposite Wayne Newton.

RUFUS: Unnh unkk unff umph?

BARBIE: He was wonderful to work with. So open, so kind, so helpful.

RUFUS: Shho ooldd.

BARBIE: He didn’t seem old. Except in the swordfight.

RUFUS: Unnnh.

BARBIE: Oh well. I was born in Salt Lake City (Catches herself). I mean, uh…I was born in Salt Lake City, New Jersey…in 1964…and…here I am world!

FRED: Next.

PETER: My name is Peter Lance. I sing like a bird, I dance like a god, and I act like a young Olivier (Pause)  Uh…uh…I am Charles Manson…and…this… musical…uh…(Trails off). I was born in 1949 in West Palm Beach, Florida. Peter Lance is my real name. I’m sorry for the outburst.

BARBIE: I’m proud of you, Peter.